


what went down

by evaneddie



Series: dhylen writes one shots [47]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, eddie finds out what happened topside during the cave in, feelings confessions, moment of clarity, post 3x15, that episode really done fucked me up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23800837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaneddie/pseuds/evaneddie
Summary: eddie finds out how buck reacted to the collapse at the top of the well pipe
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: dhylen writes one shots [47]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1433956
Comments: 14
Kudos: 353





	what went down

**Author's Note:**

> i really needed to get this out after that episode. i'm not all that happy with the buddie scene, but yolo.  
> enjoy, i guess 💖 or don't, i'm not the boss of you.

The expectancies that he had for the interview had not fleshed out that way. In hindsight, he isn't quite sure how he thought it would go, but he knows it definitely wasn't like that. The last seven days have been tiresome on his body and mind, not only the events of the incident taking a toll on him, but the aftermath of it all feels like it could almost be worse. It's dragging on longer than the time he spent trying to escape with his life in the well. It's more emotinally damaging than the event itself, whereas that had him more focused on the physical side of the pain.

He hasn't been able to escape the reoccurring bad dreams - he won't call them nightmares, because he hasn't been waking up in a sweat, or with a scream dancing on the edge of his lips, no matter how much Frank tells him what he's experiencing is still technically nightmares. Each time they pop up in his mind - even while he's awake, not just during the times he's trying to sleep - he sees it going much different to how it went down. The mud had suffocated him in one instance, cutting off all his air supply and leaving him to rot down there. Another one he gets is when the water takes over, he doesn't make it out. Worst of all, the one he gets the most, is if it were Buck instead of him. That in itself should have awoken him to things, but it hadn't. The wall only now with a slight crack in it, the tiniest beam of light spilling through.

In his hand, he holds a small USB it's blue shade his favourite colour. Of course he doesn't think about why he likes that colour so much, he just pushes it to the side as he stares down at the drive in his open palm. Alternating between keeping it in the flat of his hand, and pinching it between his thumb and forefinger, he wonders if he even wants to watch it, wonders what could be awaiting him on the other side and only thinking the worst. 

It's only a week after everything that happened, and he's already on his second session with Frank, sitting in the reception area, listening for the call of his name to go in. Probably a stupid idea to bring this with him, right? But he's been carrying it everywhere with him the past two days, unsure on what to do with it. If Frank gives Eddie the all clear, he can go back to work tomorrow. Physically, he's passed everything he needs to, so now all he needs is the mental side of things. It's messed with his head a little, but he's doing relatively okay. But what if watching what is on the stick unravels things inside him that he doesn't want to surface. Though it's only been a week, he hasn't been doing too terribly - besides the bad dreams and thoughts, and that's just normal after a trauma like what he went through. 

No phobia of water has arisen inside him, for which he is insanely shocked and pretty grateful. He can't imagine what that must be like, what must go through Buck and Christopher's heads around large bodies of water. 

When his name gets called, he stands from the uncomfortable plastic chair, and makes his way into the room, contemplating pocketing the USB but deciding against it as he sits on the couch.

They talk for a while, about everything; the thoughts and dreams, how things are going with Chris, and if he's ready to go back to work. Eddie brings up the piece of tech in his hand, knowing Frank would just let it slide by, nit being one to push Eddie too hard, ever. Eddie tells him about the interview, how that all went. He mentions his fears of watching the video, of what it could mean.

"Eddie, it is completely normal to be curious about what happened topside while you were under." His hands are clasped together in his lap, an understanding look on his face. He's a kind man, and Eddie knows he got lucky to be under his care. "But it's also completely normal and okay if you don't want to find out. Whatever your decision, it will be the right one."

There's a silence in the room between them as Eddie mulls it over in his head. He likes the fact that he doesn't know, because if he does, that may hurt him more. On the other hand, however, he can feel that the wanting to find out will just eat away at him and drive him insane. 

It's only a few minutes of unused footage, but it could be enough to change his life forever. 

He's ready for that. One hundred percent.

"I think I want to watch it," Eddie speaks, his voice cracking on the last three words, his throat constricting with anxiety. 

"Okay," Frank replies with a soft nod of his head. "Would you like to watch it at home, or here? I can give you privacy, or we can watch it together. Totally up to you."

As a child, Eddie had been pretty independent, not asking for much from anyone, and that had followed him through adulthood. Now, he has a family that cares for him and his son more than anything, so he's been trying to learn how to ask for help when it's needed. The team has been teaching him that. But Buck, Buck has been the one to try and cement it more into his head that asking for help is okay - which is ironic considering Buck never asks for anything. Not even when he oh so desperately needs it.

"Together," is the only word he says, but it's enough to prompt the doctor to grab his laptop and wheel himself back over towards Eddie. 

There are three files. The first one is the original story that made the air, without any of the gory details or scenes. The second is the cut out moments. Lastly, he sees the one he wants. At first he'd thought about watching only the missing parts, the second video, as he had seen the news report on television the next day. But he figures it might be easier for his brain to follow if he watches the entirety of it all.

Breath spills shakily from his parted mouth, his normally sturdy fingers matching it. 

The first thing on the screen as he clicks play is a woman with blonde hair in her late forties holding a microphone up to her face and speaking into it, telling viewers the events as they unfold. A lot of the footage is pointless crap, the camera not turning off even between takes. 

"I'm going to watch the other video," he decides on the spot. "This is full of unnecessary footage."

Frank doesn't reply verbally, just nods gently and gives a warm smile.

The opening five seconds is Chimney getting Hayden to safety, the little boy crying the moment he lays eyes on his mother, her and Hen ushering him away to the back of an ambulance, presumably to get checked over and taken to hospital. A deity Eddie doesn't believe in gets millions of his thanks, thankful that the child made it out okay in the end. 

That's when things get intense. There's a crack of thunder as the lightning strikes down and hits the vehicle. Crashes of metal screech and crunch as yells of fear emit from the crowd below it. Eddie furrows his brow, bites softly at his lip and continues watching with wide eyes. Somehow, the camera person had managed to stay upright and continued filming.

Many firefighters are recovering from the blast, standing back on their feet, looking over at the carnage created from the trucks and mud crashing into the only exit Eddie had. Then he hears his name. It's the most pained, anguished screaming he has ever head in his life, moreso than when Buck was pinned under the fire truck. It was definitely very similar, but even that couldn't compare to the raw fear heard in the voice here.

The sound of broken sobs between the two syllables of his name will forever echo in his mind, adding fuel to the fire that is the terrible thoughts he's been having. Pursing his lips, Eddie has to force himself to continue watching, watching as Buck hysterically claws at the sloppy ground with his hands, calling out his name, screaming and crying for him, saying the word no repeatedly. From where the moment is being filmed, the footage seems as though it is zoomed in a decent amount, but it's still crystal clear imagery, and Eddie can see the despair in Buck's face, can see how shaken he is as Bobby pulls him back, away from where the ground had collapsed.

When Buck weakly attempts to fight off the captain's grasp, Eddie loses his composure and drops his head, reaching out to press the space bar, effectively pausing the video. Not once has he cried in front of Frank, and here he is now, letting the tears stream carelessly down his cheeks, settling on the edge of his bottom jaw, before pooling into bigger droplets and falling wetly to his lap, where his leg bounces nervously.

Frustrated at himself, his hand swipe harshly at his face, bumping across his nose as he lets out a small sniffle. Frank, again, says nothing, but offers a box of tissues outward to him. Eddie pulls a couple free, and gives a smile of gratitude. 

"I'm sorry," Eddie whispers, though he's not even sure what he's apologising for if he's being completely honest. He shouldn't be worrying about burdening Frank, this is his job after all. 

"Crying is healthy, so don't be. We don't have to continue if you do not want to." Yeah, it's his duty to be kind and understanding, but it's nice of him to offer Eddie a way out of this, to offer Eddie some peace by ceasing their viewing session.

But he can't stop here. No matter how much this hurts, he can not stop here. He knows how the ending goes, but he needs to see this because this is full of uncertainty. He can't give up now.

"I'm fine." With those two words, he presses play again, and sees it get even worse in front of his eyes.

Buck still fights against the arms on his body, trying his damnedest to pull out of the grasp. For a second there, it looks like he gives up, leaning his head on Bobby's knee as he turns his face towards the open skies, his mouth open as violent sobs shake his body. 

Eddie's not quite sure how the mic managed to pick up the sound from that distance, but he's not extremely technologically savvy, so there could be a number of reasons he's able to hear the exchange between Bobby and Buck.

"Bobby, let me go!" Buck yells at the older man, pleading with him. "Stop, please. I-I can't - I can't lose him."

"I know, kid," Bobby says back to him, sternly but nothing but kind. 

Harshly, Buck tugs against Bobby's hands, but to no avail. "No, you don't get it," he cries loudly. Eddie has never seen Buck like this before. He's normally cool, calm, and collected, especially out on calls. So this is totally new territory for Eddie. Not something he ever wants to become accustomed to. Buck's voice is higher than usual, hitched with the tears and cries lodged in his chest. "I can't lose him, he means everything to me. He and Chris are my world."

Gasping between his words, his cries loud, his tears mixing with the rain, Buck looks wrecked. 

"I know, son. I know how much you love him, but you need to calm down so we can come up with a plan to help him." Bobby himself looks as terrified as ever, but there's something different about the way the two of them are reacting.

Sure, Buck is his best friend, the man he has come to realise that he's in love with, but it doesn't explain a reaction like this.

The day after he got stuck in the well, Eddie had a pre-booked session with Frank, and decided he needed it more then than ever. Though his body heavily despised of him for not staying at home and relaxing, he went the therapy anyway. He told Frank everything, absolutely everything. What had gone down beforehand, what had happed as he was helping Hayden out, and the aftermath of the collapse above him. The water he had been swimming through was the part that had almost taken his life. Well, all of it had, really, but he was so close to giving up in the water as he swam to find an escape.

Then he had the flashbacks of Christopher. The 118 was there, too, but not often. He loves them dearly, but his son is the most important thing. 

Buck. Buck was there almost as much as Christopher. The glances they've shared, the hugs and touches, the happiness between them, how they work together with Chris, and just Buck's smile. That was when things clicked into place for Eddie. That fateful day, barely twenty-four hours after the accident. Eddie is convinced that Buck would never feel that way about him. Or at least, he had been, up until the moment he started watching the video that plays on the laptop right now.

"Let's get you cleaned up a little bit, Buck. We're going to do everything we can to get your boy out of there alive and okay." 

Something akin to a sob slips from Buck's mouth again, but nothing comes of it, just a choked sound.

Bobby wraps Buck closer to his body, tucking the taller, younger man into the hold. Before Buck buries his head into the soaked jacked Bobby wears, Bobby places a soft kiss to Buck's forehead, a fatherly gesture Eddie knows Buck isn't used to. He melts into the touch and cries into Bobby's shoulder. 

"I've got you, son."

The rest of the crew start to swarm the area, voices starting to chatter loudly, each overlapping the last. Then, the screen goes black bare for a small replay button in the middle, and Eddie knows he will never press that.

A soft chuckle escapes Eddie, but he doesn't find the situation funny. It's more a sound of shock and nervousness. "He loves me?" 

It's a rhetorical question, spoken softly through his tears, but Frank responds anyway. "It appears that way."

* * *

While he stands outside the door, wondering if he should knock or use his key, he thinks back to the interview. He remembers how the officer asked him all the questions under the sun. Most of all, he remembers said officer being kind hearted and telling Eddie that he's 'lucky to have a boyfriend like Buck' only setting his emotions to confusion. That's when he was told about the unused footage. 

The interview was just procedure. When a child goes missing, things need to be spoken about. Because Eddie was the one to do the rescue, he was interviewed about how Hayden had seemed when being saved, if in his professional opinion there was anything to worry about. There wasn't. Sometimes kids just get themselves into sticky situations, with nobody at fault. Unlike other occasions, this one ended okay.

At first, during the conversation with the police, he hadn't understood why they had thought Buck was his boyfriend. He'd frowned in reply, not sure what they had meant. But now, after watching that video, he gets it. He gets why their minds hadn't thought of Buck and Eddie just being friends. Until that moment, Eddie had thought his feelings towards said friend where unrequited, a one way street. Not so much anymore. He's still uncertain to some degree, but he's here now, and he needs to know.

As he lifts his hand into a gentle fist to knock, the door swings open, revealing a shirtless Buck, clad only in green boxer shorts. "I heard noises, and when I saw it was you, I waited. But you just stood there. Are you okay? Is Christopher okay? Abuela? Tia Pepa?" Buck's voice speaks fast, the words spilling out in a rush, and Eddie smiles at the genuine concern evident there.

"We're all okay, Evan," he promises, only just believing it for himself now because he's here with Buck. 

A sigh of relief on his tongue, Buck smiles and steps aside for Eddie to walk in. He's never said Buck's first name out loud before, and while feeling somewhat foreign due to disuse, it feels like it's meant to be, like it was designed specifically with him in mind, rolling out perfectly, settling in the air between them comfortably.

"Not as though I don't enjoy your company, because I do, but what are you doing here at seven in the evening, Eds?" Buck reaches out his hand, tucking his fingers neatly around Eddie's bicep, and Eddie smiles at the contact.

"I can't get it out of my head." The words come out of nowhere, splitting his inside open, the vulnerability of everything on full display. 

Buck lets his hand slip down, not letting go of Eddie's skin, and slips his hand into Eddie's, intertwining their fingers before pulling him along to the couch. They sit close together, their hands still linked as Buck listens intently to Eddie talk.

Part of Buck had stuck closer to him after the well pipe event, spending as much time with Eddie and Chris between shifts as he possibly could. Simultaneously, somehow, he had stayed far away, just not in the physical sense. It had almost seemed like he was pissed off at Eddie for everything, no matter how much he would say that he isn't.

This is the most vulnerable Buck has been in a week. Eddie misses this side of him, misses how open they could be with one another. 

"Talk to me, why have you been cold towards me lately?" Eddie takes a breath, and continues before Buck can interrupt. "Don't you dare say you haven't, because that's a lie. Ever since that night you have been acting different. I miss you, Buck."

"Fine, I have been acting strange, and I'm sorry. But Eds, I almost lost you. You and Chris are the two most important people in my life, I couldn't deal with losing either of you." Look into Buck's eyes, Eddie can see the unshed tears pooling there in the bottom lids, his face dropping at the thought.

It takes a moment for the right words to come to him, but when they do, he speaks them carefully, cautiously. "When I got trapped down there, I had what I guess you could call a moment of clarity. All I could think about was the team, and Christopher. You."

Buck's expression tilts, shooting a wordless questioning look to the man talking.

"You and Chris were at the forefront of everything I could think of. Both of you brought me home. Which made me realise something. Something I never thought possible of you returning in the same way," he continues, taking a sharp inhale at the end, focusing his vision on their joined hands. "Until the police gave me a copy of the news reporter footage that didn't make television. I watched it today, with Frank."

"Oh, Eddie. We don't have to-"

Eddie cuts him off, "Buck, I want to. I need to."

Nodding his head, Buck lets Eddie finish.

"Seeing you, dig at the mud, scared out of your mind, screaming out to me..." How does he even say this? He's so scared of screwing everything up. "I don't know, I guess it kind of broke me. Only cementing the idea of knowing I would react the same if it where you - which I may or may not be having dreams about, but that's not the point right now."

It says a lot, but it's not enough. Clearly, it's not enough. He's not stupid. But he can't form the sentences he needs.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Buck asks him, his finger resting under Eddie's chin so they can meet gazes again. Without noticing, Eddie must have started to cry at some point during his haphazard, half-assed confession, because Buck swipes gingerly at the other man's cheeks, destroying the wet trails as they form on the clean shaven skin.

"I love you, Evan. Sorry it took me nearly dying to -" Eddie isn't able to finish his sentence, as Buck's lips come softly crashing onto his own. 

There's no fireworks, no shock of how well they fit together, no explosions of any kind, just the perfect king of slotting into place like the missing puzzle piece that you had been searching for over the last two years. It just works.

Nothing urgent in the way they move their mouths, Eddie feels Buck smile into him, causing the same reaction on his part.

"You always continue to amaze me. I love you, Eddie. So much. Just please be more careful next time."

Eddie tells Buck that the thoughts haven't stopped, that he continues to go through the what ifs, but knowing he has a good support system will help him get through this. Tia Pepa has Chris for the night, and will take him to school tomorrow morning, giving Eddie a relaxing morning as he gets ready for his first day back on shift. 

"Come, my love," Buck whispers to him later after they eat take out for dinner, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him towards the loft area. "Let's get some sleep, and I'll fight off any bad dreams that come your way."

**Author's Note:**

> buddie spotify playlist:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0UqHp5r5OEdsKPgovmPdOx?si=xsbYTm9ARD23_GeyCJOn3g


End file.
